ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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