I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
