Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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