i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
