the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
