and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
