ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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