It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
True college students do jello shots in the library
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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