I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
