im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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