You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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