Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
