I met the friendliest cop last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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