I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
