I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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