You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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