I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
