I feel like abortions should bother me more
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
