Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
