the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
