I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
