you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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