I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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