I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
