omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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