i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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