Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
