just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
