All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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