My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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