i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
