You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
