just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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