My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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