Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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