peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you so shy because you have an std?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want nice things and good sex
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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