you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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