Sry I called you an 8
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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