Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
