I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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