miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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