Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
