we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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