I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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