I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize