worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
