Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
