i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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