Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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