Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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