I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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