Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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