I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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