if i can run in heels then i can drive
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
