bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
