We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend