I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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