I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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