I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
