I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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