i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
