if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Houston, we have a blender
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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