he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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