There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
