so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
