a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
