It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
