Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
