my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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