Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
