In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
