Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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