I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
