he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
