Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
