Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
