when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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