apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
