genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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