I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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