OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize