Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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