if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
