in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
