Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
