My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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