So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
