this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
