She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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